What Constitutes Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse, also known as psychological or verbal abuse, refers to a systematic pattern of abusive behaviors designed to control, belittle or intimidate another person. In the context of a divorce proceeding, this form of abuse can often be difficult to identify, and harder to prove. When children are involved, abusers may subject them to emotional abuse in order to exert control over their estranged spouse.
Emotional abuse is different from physical abuse in that it does not involve any physical harm. However, it is no less damaging. In many ways, it can, and often does , leave more permanent and long-lasting scars than physical abuse. Many studies have found that emotional abuse has a significant and traumatic impact on the psychological well-being of victims.
If you are preparing for a divorce and are hoping to prove that your estranged spouse’s abusive behavior constitutes emotional abuse, you will first need to understand what this term means in a legal context. Emotional abuse is often defined as a behavior or group of behaviors that causes you emotional harm as well as fear, depression, anxiety and damage to your self-esteem and self-worth. It can also impact you financially and psychologically.
Pursuing a claim for emotional abuse in a divorce proceeding can be an arduous process. The care and compassion of your attorney are key to easing the process, as are the support services of counselors and groups such as the Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Collecting Proof of Emotional Abuse
When it comes to proving emotional abuse in a legal setting, the burden of proof lies in gathering a variety of evidence that can substantiate your claims. Here are an array of options that can be useful in a courtroom:
Text messages – If you’ve received abusive text messages or emails, take screenshots and keep them safe. If messages have been deleted, ask your spouse if they have been backed up on their phone.
Emails – As with text messages, abusive emails are an effective piece of evidence. If you’ve erased emails or they’ve disappeared, check to see if they’ve been archived or backed up.
Witness statements – If there are family members, friends, teachers or professionals (such as mental health experts) who have direct knowledge of the abuse, you may ask them to provide written or even verbal testimony in court.
Psychological records – If you’ve ever spoken to a mental health professional about your spouse’s behavior, this can be useful evidence. If you’ve sought treatment for the effects of emotional abuse, those records can also be beneficial.
Video evidence – If you have access to videos of the abuse, such as security camera recordings, text messages or voicemails, these can also be effective pieces of evidence.
Documenting abuse – In order to build a successful case for emotional abuse, you’ll need to create a comprehensive record of evidence. The best way to do this is to keep a detailed log of every instance you experience, even if they’re small. Note the date, location, witnesses, specific details and changes in your mental and physical well-being. If you’ve begun speaking with a mental health professional, be sure to note this as well.
Emotional abuse is no less serious than physical or sexual abuse in a relationship. There are many options for collecting evidence so that you can successfully prove it in court.
Pursuing Legal Options for Emotional Abuse Survivors
For victims of emotional abuse, the law does provide some protections. First, consider filing a petition for a domestic violence permanent injunction. Domestic violence is broadly defined and includes more than physical violence. If there is evidence of domestic abuse such as slashing tires, interfering with a job search, listening in on a telephone conversation, swearing, name calling, etc., you should speak with an experienced attorney to discuss your options. A qualified attorney can evaluate the evidence and suggest what steps to take and why. In addition to information gleaned from interviews, the attorney may request evidence from third parties. For example, in another case I represented a woman being harassed by her husband. She showed me email communications where he chastised her for taking the kids to the dentist. Our office then issued a subpoena directly to the dentist requesting records. In this case, we only received an appointment card which was not very helpful for my client. If family court was involved in this case and if there were children, this type of documentation would have been invaluable.
Even though it is not the primary subject of this article, I feel I should mention if children are involved. Injunctions involving children require proof of child abuse (physical or sexual). In this case, the alleged abuse must be proven by "competent substantial evidence." In other words, more than hearsay or rumor is required. Expert testimony is often needed. In order to be on the safe side of things, the family law attorney should be engaged. Unlike civil injunctions, family court will not allow hearsay or rumors in a case to prove child abuse. If such testimony is presented, it will be stricken from the record. To be clear, if you went to a doctor due to injuries sustained at the hands of the abuser, that information is admissible. However, if a neighbor saw your spouse punch a hole in the wall, that will not be sufficient to prove the injuries were caused by the abuser.
If you are the victim of emotional abuse, seek help from a qualified attorney. Often, if you go to court alone, you will lose no matter how strong the evidence is that you present. There are many traps that lawyers will use to trip you up. The process is much more complicated than asking for a protection order.
Cooperating with Legal and Psychological Professionals
Legal experts play an integral role in helping to prove emotional abuse in court. A lawyer can assist in two ways: as an advocate for a client seeking a protective legal order or as an advocate for a victim seeking redress against an abuser. Courts usually will not become involved until a person files a legal action that meets statutory requirements. A skilled lawyer will be able to navigate the jurisdiction’s particular rules and regulations in bringing this personal law action. A therapist or other mental health professional can help by evaluating the patient for possible signs of emotional abuse, including dysfunctional patterns of behaviors. Courts will sometimes ask for a professional evaluation and a recommendation concerning custody or parenting time and, as such, the evaluation may carry substantial weight in a contested case.
Litigating Your Case in Court
The process for presenting evidence and arguments in court to prove the occurrence of emotional abuse requires a careful and strategic approach. One must first establish the credibility of witnesses who have observed the emotional damage or trauma that resulted from the abuse. This can include mental health professionals, counselors, relatives, or friends who have witnessed the effects of the emotional abuse directly.
Your attorney should work closely with you to craft a compelling narrative that conveys the reality of your experience to the judge or jury. This includes providing context on the nature of the abuse, the emotional response it invoked, and the broader impact on your health and well-being.
In addition to testifying, you may also present medical records, psychiatric evaluations , or other documentation that demonstrates the effects of the emotional abuse. In some cases, expert testimony may be needed to help interpret this information and explain to the court how emotional abuse occurs and why it can be just as harmful as physical abuse.
Throughout this process, it is crucial to maintain composure and professionalism in court. While the topics covered may be sensitive or deeply personal, it is important to avoid being overly emotional when testifying or walking through the evidence. Being overly emotional can undermine your credibility and make it more difficult to convey your argument to the judge or jury.
Proving emotional abuse in a court of law is often challenging, but with the right approach, you can successfully demonstrate the damage caused by this type of abuse and gain the protection you need.
Navigating Obstacles in Emotional Abuse Litigation
In seeking to prove emotional abuse in court, victims may encounter several challenges, from the skepticism of others to a chronic failure of memory on the part of the abuser and the absence of physical evidence. The second and third challenges can ultimately support the victim’s case, but overcoming the first, the skepticism of others, can require more effort.
One of the persistent problems with identifying emotional abuse, both in our judicial system and in society broadly, is that it is often hard to quantify for demonstrative purposes. For example, there is no bloodstain to show the jury, no black eye the victim can show the judge that demonstrates how awful and humiliating the experience was. Instead, the victim must verbally describe the experience, invoking the jury’s imagination where they often remain happy to keep it.
Consider the following strategies for overcoming each of these problems:
Addressing Skepticism of Others
When faced with the skepticism of others, a victim can take the following steps:
Addressing the Absence of Physical Evidence
When faced with an absence of corroborating evidence such as eyewitnesses, a victim can take the following steps:
Refuting Imprecise Memories on the Part of the Abuser
When faced with imprecise memories on the part of the abuser, a victim can take the following steps:
While it is often difficult to prove emotional abuse in court, it is not impossible, and attorneys can assist victims in overcoming the numerous challenges of demonstrating this form of abuse.
Emotional Support and Resources for Survivors
Emotional support is critical for survivors of emotional abuse, especially as they work to rebuild their lives—often outside of a relationship or after leaving a difficult situation. Fortunately, there are many resources for emotional support available to help victims of emotional abuse cope with the devastating effects.
Support groups for survivors of emotional abuse Support groups are informal gatherings of individuals with similar experiences. They can help you build your support network and understand that there are others who understand exactly what you’ve been through. Support groups can be beneficial in a number of ways: Support groups are often hosted by trained counselors and psychologists who can help everyone involved offer and receive emotional support. They’re also an invaluable resource for finding the tools and information you need to move forward in your life. Support groups can be found in nearly any major, urban area, and they’re typically free, or offered at a very low cost. Check local mental health centers, local chapters of groups such as the American Association of Family and Marriage Counselors (AMAP) or the National Alliance on Mental Health, or research online . There are also online support groups you can join from anywhere in the world.
Counseling services for victims of emotional abuse While support groups are a terrific resource for survivors, counseling services can also play an important role in your healing process. Many professionals have additional training in how to help people—whether in a one-on-one, group or family setting. They can help you find the path that’s right for you and help teach you coping mechanisms to help deal with everything from resentment and anger to guilt and shame.
Online communities for emotional abuse survivors Many people benefit from online communities, where you can chat with or talk to people from all around the world who have had similar experiences. Online community can be a lifeline for some, enabling them to form friendships, find support and move toward healing. There are many websites and forums dedicated to emotional abuse recovery, coping mechanisms, and finding support. Most are discreet and allow you to remain anonymous. Emotional support will be an indispensable part of your healing process. When working to recover from emotional abuse, searching for personal support, counseling services and online communities can be helpful.